The Pause

Call me Mother of the Year.

Every morning since October, I wake up and go to my medicine cabinet. It takes about a second, but I stare at those two medicine bottles. As I'm wishing I didn't have to, I take them down and remove one pill from each. I set them down on our kitchen table, and I call Peanut to take his medicine. That pause is the worst part of my morning.

This year hasn't been easy for Peanut. It became obvious early on in the school year that the coffee wasn't a viable option anymore. I'm choosing to leave out the details to protect Peanut's privacy. Suffice it to say his teachers and I have once again met nearly daily this year. We were referred to a new doctor in our area, and we started ADHD medication in 2011. We've been trying to get the correct dosage ever since, but I think we're finally close. I hope so.

Watching Peanut struggle this year has been heartbreaking. His academic work hasn't suffered much, which is miraculous. However, his social skills have taken a dramatic downfall, and it's a battle to help him understand what actions are acceptable and what will make him deal with consequences he really doesn't want. He's learned that the world isn't necessarily black and white, and that rules for one situation don't always apply to all situations. We're still working on that, but at least the number of temper tantrums has diminished. For that, I'm grateful.

This hasn't been easy for Peanut or anyone around him. His teachers need him to learn. Period. They need him to be in the classroom with his peers and stay reasonably quiet as he finishes his work. They need him to understand that outside voices need to stay outside on the playground. They need him to understand and follow the rules of both the classroom and the playground. When he doesn't, he needs to understand why consequences are being imposed. He's still working on that, and Boomer and I are working with him to help him understand why some of his choices aren't the best.

For right now, though, there's a pause. Peanut's proud of his behavior the last few weeks, and he deserves to be proud. There have been some positive changes, and Boomer and I are celebrating them. We're also celebrating our sweet son who struggles daily with his reactions to different situations, but is starting to understand what is and is not appropriate.

I didn't know if I would write this post. I'm not sure yet if I will publish it. I have so many conflicting emotions about these last few months, and I haven't wanted to diminish Peanut's privacy as so much of this has been public. When he looks back, I want him to know I've been here with him, and I love him. And I'll always be supporting him. I need him to know that Boomer and I are still his biggest fans.

You're doing this, Peanut. You're succeeding. And Daddy and I couldn't be more proud.

Call me Mother of the Year.